Beanie @ 38 Months Old

 Beanie @ 38 months

I didn't do a good job this month in recording his milestones or anything...  Haiz... My time was spent teaching my 2 older ones and also spent time at the hospital with my late papa...  Sorry my dear boy..

One thing to note down though..  He is one little cheeky boy.  The other day he told me to take pics of his funny facial expressions.  I thought that was so sweet of him coz he knew I wasn't in a good mood. Thank you my baby.♥

*17th April 2012*

His Resting Place...

It's all over...  Papa is at his resting place now.. Very peaceful & quiet...

It was a emotional period for us, as well as my Ma.  But I know we have fulfilled all his wishes.  To move into the new house..  To see everyone he wanted to see..  It was sad for us to see him go but we know he is no longer in pain, gasping for air..

For the past 5 days, my little ones without fail will go to him and greet him..  I didn't teach them that, they did it on their own.  I teared whenever they do that.  This is the first time my kiddos encounter death (apart the death of Zhuzhu) of loved one. It is exam period now and it was tough for older ones.   They wanted to stay throughout the day at the wake to keep 公公 company but we adults think it is better for them to attend school.   It is revision time and we are sure he hope they will do well.  Beanie was with me throughout.

Papa, we miss you...  I'm sure you are with my little Angel now...

Thank you to all our friends who came to the wake and also for those beautiful wreaths.  I would also like to thank bloggers that I've come to know and eventually become true friends. Eileen, Grace and the couple Angeline & Allan.

He Left....

My dad lost the battle on 24th April morning...  But I know he is no longer in pain and with our LORD now and taking care of my little Angel.

A double blow for me within these few months.... I must stay strong!  For my family, for my little ones...

Thank you all for your messages...

SYF 2012 - Central Judging Of Chinese Orchestra

*So sorry my boy...  Mommy missed your very first performance.  But I know you do understand it. *

Early this morning daddy sent Z to school.  His FIRST participation in the SYF!  My boy seemed cool about it but he was not at all.  He was very nervous but at the same time looked forward to it (he told me that).

I was late to the hall.  Thus, I could only watch the performance from the screen.  I will talk about it in my next post.  This post is specially for my boy..

That's my boy!  In the so called tux!  And with his 二胡!  He looked so charming and handsome!  Wished I could smile more to you on that day but I couldn't...

He was stunned when I told him the news...  And we had to rush off...  Leaving behind his team and teachers.

I'm so sorry baby...  I hope 2 years later when you take part again, scenario will be different.  It will be a joyous occasion.   Nevertheless, I'm so proud of you!  I'm sure your team did well today

Goodbye My Angel...

*Backdated post* -  Meant to post this earlier but the pain was unbearable whenever I tried to continue writing it....

This is by far, one of the toughest post that I have to write...  Penning down my was not easy at all.... Every word is like a needle piercing through my heart...  Yet I knew I have to write it down....  I want my babies to remember our family of 5 should have been a family of 6....  Should have been...  And their little sibling is with HIM now... What was on my mind and what I'm going through..

He's gone...  My little Angel is gone...

It all started with a little remark from Beanie, the week before I found out I was pregnant again.  He said there's a baby inside me and he is a boy.... I remembered clearly I laughed at it and didn't think much about it.

Then I missed my period...   Just after 2 days, I had this feeling that I was pregnant...  Yup, just after 2 days and I was right..  It was supposed to be a joyous occasion.. But it didn't turn out that way...

(30/3) I was so looking forward to my gynae visit.  We brought along my 3 babies... All of us were expecting to see a tiny pounding heart...  We talked and joked with my doc.  Then it was time for me to do my scan...

My doc was smiling & chatting with me while I was doing my scan...  But she suddenly turn serious.  My baby is gone...  No heartbeat... No matter how many times she tried to look for it or I how much I strained my eyes to see, I can't see the pounding heart...  I can't remember exactly what my doc said...  The only words I heard were "no heartbeat... Not growing...."

How can it be? WHY?  WHY ME?  I have 3 perfectly normal pregnancies, why this time it is different?????  How could this happen?

I WANT MY ANGEL BACK!!! I WOULD DO ANYTHING TO HAVE HIM BACK!!!

My world is like falling apart... I can't hear a thing anyone said.... I was in daze... That evening, I was so tempted to die... Yes, it was very selfish of me to think of that...  But the pain is so unbearable...   I can't accept the fact that he was gone... He was only 10+ weeks...

The very next day...  I did the op...  I still couldn't accept the fact that my little Angel is gone...  I asked to do the scan again.  I hoped for a miracle..  I prayed and prayed...  But there's no miracle... I have to face the fact that my baby is gone...

I miss you my little Angel..  The thought of you always bring tears to my eyes... Pain that beyond words can describe..  There were so many what ifs...  Who will he looks like?  How's life will be with him around?  Yet, all these will never happen coz he's gone...   You may only be in me for a very short time but I can never forget you.  You will always have a place in my heart...  I will never have a chance to hold you , hug you...  Not a chance to see you, talk to you, see you smile.....  None!  None at all...

We did not share the news with many people, not even our families...  Only some close friends.. What can they say to me if they know?  Can they bring him back to life?  No... I really do not wish to hear any consoling words at that time... It makes me feel even worse...

Always remember when you see a person smiling or being cheerful on the outside means all is well.  Or when a person seems perfectly 'normal' means they have no issue at all!  Just that people do not want to share nor burden you with problems of their own.  I mention this coz of some idiotic people remarks...

I hope by penning down my thoughts, it will be sort of like a 'closure' to me and move on...  No!  There's no way I will ever forget about my Angel... How could I?  But I really hope I could move on...  For the sake of my family....  It's not fair for my kiddos to bear the pain with me...  They are too young to understand what I'm going through...  People often says time will heal, will it?  I hope...

Homemade Baked Roast Pork

My first attempt in baking roast pork!  My family loves it!

SYF 2012 - Central Judging Of Choir

L's FIRST time took part in SYF (Singapore Youth Festival) and the last year she will be involved in it (it is held once every 2 years).  She was very nervous and excited about it and have been practicing the song everyday at home.  Tot he extend that both her brothers know how to sing those song! Haha... 

I got the ticket through L's teacher some time ago but wasn't sure if I could make it.  So glad I was able to make it there with Beanie and it was so kind of the staff to allow me to bring him in.  A lollipop kept him busied throughout.

The kiddos did so well and they got Bronze this time.  One of the mommies that I spoke too agreed with me that they probably lost out on the compulsory song.   The other 2 songs that they sang was superb!  Even the teachers was quite confident that they will do better than 2 years ago... Nevertheless, we are all so proud of them!   Well done Choir!  Proud of you my girl!

This photo was taken during one of the rehearsal (thanks to PSG).

I'm Sorry...

I'm sorry babies...  Sorry that you guys are not having an easy time because of me...  Mommy will try my best to let go and move on... Give me some time ok loves?

Sleep #10

Love this pic...  It is a blessing that I am here to see him sleep. to see him growing up... 

Bento # 305 - Bees

In the boxes: Strawberries, egg roll with minced crabstick, pan fry pork, fine beans & corn.

When I'm not in a good mood, even my bento don't look good too. Sigh...  Colour on the 'bee' is too light that I can't see it all all....  At least the pork was yummy and tender.

A Well Deserved Break

I am physically & emotionally drained....  But I know it's unfair for my kiddos to bear it with me.  So this evening brought the kids out for a nice dinner and kiddy rides..

I'm glad I did that... They had a great time...

TCA Junior Chess Open Championship 2012

I think this is by far, the best competition organiser to date.  There were ample seats for parents, lunch was provided for the kiddos and coffee/tea throughout the day for everyone including parents.  It rained throughout the day so we appreciate the hot drinks even more.  Besides that, there was entertainment at the end of it!   Clown performance!  Kids were thrilled and most stayed back regardless if our kiddos win anything.

L played in the primary C (U12) category and Z played in the primary B (U10 or U9) category.   There was 176 kids for 3 category and more than half was rated players!  I didn't realise till today (for this event) that regardless of which category you play for, you could face anyone from any category!  I hope the organiser will review this for their future competitions.

We were only allowed in the function for the first round.  But no lack of photos for this post!

LZ in Round 1...

There wasn't many table for the kiddos to have their meals.  So the kids had to either wait for someone to finish and take over the table or having their meals the way my girl did with her friends.

 Since he was doing quite well, I allowed him to play with the handphone.

 Kiddos had ice cream which were provided by the organiser.  See how happy the kids were! 

Z was very nervous when he knew his opponent for the 6th round was Charmaine,  who is my friend, Michelle's girl.  We already knew she's a very good player.  He told me he will try his best to at least get a draw and he did.

 LZ with Rachel & Charmaine

 Clown performance before the prize presentation.

Overall, I am very proud of my kiddos' performance today!  Both faced 3 or more rated players.  Especially Z, he broke his record of having more than 4 points! And at least they were not right at the bottom of the final rankings.  Their final ranking were 94 (L) & 45 (Z). Well done babies!

They both faced the same rated players!  First time it happened!

L's Result: rating performance:1289

Rd 1 (bd 25) - Dominic Augustine Chong (1219) lost
Rd 2 (bd 82) - Wong Kai Wen won
Rd 3 (bd 33) -  Sanjuth Gunasekaran (1129) lost
Rd 4 (bd 73) - Jerome Wong draw
Rd 5 (bd 62) - Wong Yuanchi won
Rd 6 (bd 44) - Claire Ng (1076) lost
Rd 7 (bd 60) - Zachary Siay won

Z's Result: rating performance: 1336

Rd 1 (bd 84) - Aron Choo won
Rd 2 (bd 43) - Lau Yu Yang (1135) lost
Rd 3 (bd 62) - Ryann Cheah won
Rd 4 (bd 41) - Chan Wei Kiat (1117) lost
Rd 5 (bd 55) - Alexis Low won
Rd 6 (bd 40) - Charmaine (1107) draw
Rd 7 (bd 35) - Claire Ng (1076) won

His 2nd Assembly

This time, he did turn to look at Ms B and listened, though reluctant and grouchy.   And then he spotted me!  Saw the look on his face? Looked so poor thing... When I pick him up, he was able to tell me some of the things that Ms B mentioned.  Well done boy!  Hope you will enjoy it as time goes!