扫墓

It has been 4 yrs since I joined my family-in-laws to 扫墓. I was pregnant and I have to take care of them. This year, my parents were able to help. I always felt bad for not turning up, not that they say anything, just that I haven''t been able to pay respect to my father-in-law personally.

It has been 6 years since he passed away. He is such a good and understanding person though we can''t communicate well. You see, my father-in-law was from China and he speaks hokkien and I can''t speak hokkien. He had work very hard to raise his 8 children. He had never interfere with any of our decisions. Whenever we asked him, he said leave it to us to decide. I remembered he was overjoyed when we told him I was pregnant though it was his 16th time as a grandfather. I was pregnant with L when he past away........ I wished that he could see L & Z.... I wished that I have learned the dialect, then I can talk to him more. When he was in the hospital, I can''t visit him coz I was pregnant. The last time that I saw him was at his deathbed. It was emotional for everyone. I will never forget the moment he hold my hand and smiled at me. I told him I will take good care of his grandchild. I can''t send him off on his last journey or kneel down during the funeral. Perhaps that was one of the reasons I think I did not fulfilled as a daughter-in-law.

Till today, DH is still very emotional whenever we talk abt him. Once awhile, I will show L & Z 阿公 pics to them. I want them to remember him and to know that they have such a wonderful 阿公. When L asked where are we going today, I told her we were going to pay respect to him. She said she missed him though she has never met him. Probably through the pics and daddy always talked abt 阿公.

We sent LZ to my parents'' house and they had a wonderful time with my parents. We picked them up and went home to rest as LZ are still nursing their cough & flu.